I have to say that when I got up this morning, I didn't get up on the right side of the bed. I feel like I am getting sick, I was tired and it was early. Then I go pick up my brother, Jason. Now if anyone has ever met him in the morning time, they will know that he is not going to be happy first thing in the morning unless you are smiling and fired up or you are so aggravated you could spit!! So, this morning was no different and I think I mentioned that I haven't felt the greatest all day.. we started down the road and turned on Jesus Culture and was listening to some awesome worship music. The further we rode on our journey, the harder it got for me to waller in that miserableness.. Something kept saying to me, "You love youth!! You love Chris Allen and his sister, Merrie! You love learning! You LOVE this guy in this car! You LOVE, LOVE Me!!!" Then that same One said something along the lines of, "You are seriously going to squander this opportunity to have a good time worshiping me? You are going to throw away all I have for you today with a bad attitude? You are going to miss this chance to love and have fun with one of your favorite people?" See, Jay didn't know in all his "pumping up" he was doing that he also had a "Helper" in changing the perspective I had. The best decision I made today was to just worship God for a few minutes and let Him work on my ugliness. Then once He got that out of the way, He could bless me...like He wanted to do all along!! See, we get in the way of what God has for us a lot of times.. I know I do on a regular basis. He is waiting to just show you how much His love for you is but instead of giving in to His precious ways of chiseling away the flesh, we hang on to it and are miserable in it.
I have to tell you I was so blessed today! God fired up my heart even more for youth..He gave Jay and I some great ideas. Merrie has a way of telling stories about kids she has invested her life in and God has sent her way that just breaks your heart down for their generation..I seriously don't think I have ever been around her that I don't cry! Today, she told one story about "The Lifter of Our Head". I can't even say that without crying, or type it for that matter. See, I lived a life that led to some times of shame and unworthiness. I lived a while thinking that there wasn't anything much good in this life, except my kids and family. I spent many days being alone, locked up in a world of walls, protecting me from anymore hurt. Then one day, because that sweet guy in my car is so aggravating that he doesn't hush or give up, I found "The Lifter Of My Head". I no longer dodge people. I have found that if my heart gets hurt, Jesus heals. I have found the source of Truth and therefore, I can trust again. I won't ever forget the time Anna McClure and I put on that women's conference and I kept asking the Lord what I would tell the women..He gave me the perfect Scripture that morning about no longer wearing sackcloth. You see, sackcloth was worn during mourning. I was no longer in mourning and as I read that out loud to those women, I don't know if they heard me or not because I was crying so hard that I couldn't breathe but I know the One heard me and He knew how much I loved Him for removing that sackcloth. Then at Women of Joy this year, Christy Nockels got up and sang Wonderful. One part of that song says, "I was hopeless and you lifted up my head to sing for joy." I will never forget hearing it for the first time that night..I cried in pure worship..I felt freedom that night.. Then today, when she talked about "The Lifter of My Head", I was overcome because that is who He is to me.. He is The Lifter of My Head. I thank God, that He doesn't stop lifting my head. See, if He hadn't lifted my head out of the mess I had made of my morning today, then I would've missed that sweet guy that waited on me to walk to break out sessions with. I would have missed out on the excitement we had on the way home, as we talked about how to be more intentional in the life of these youth. I would have missed the phone call that same guy gave me tonight to come watch the Greg Laurie kick off, where we watched the baseball field they are at be flooded in the 1000s of decisions to turn their lives over for Christ. See I didn't deserve that chance this morning to have a God-day, instead of a Lori-day but that is what kind of God my Father is.. His grace is sufficient and His mercies are new everyday!!
"But you are a shield around me, O Lord; You bestow glory on me and lift up my head." Psalm 3:3
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